To Love Beyond Words

Today I'm reminded of fighting. Fighting for someone that should love me, to do just that. Fighting for respect. Fighting for a relationship that I felt I needed no matter how toxic it was for me. Fighting an uphill battle with someone figuratively and literally pushing me down. Fighting fear. Fighting abandonment. Fighting knowing things are not right but not wanting to voice my concerns for other's judgment. Fighting blocked memories that come to the surface when you're least expecting it.  Today, like many years before it, I remember. But unlike many years before it, I'm not filled with questions. My worth is not within your hands. I am loved. I am more than enough. Everything that happened was never my fault and knowing that is freeing.  At one point I had to picture my past self, go to her, hug her and tell her she was safe. I had to be the person I needed back then just to let go of it mentally. There is always more work, more reading, more healing to be done, but...

 We heard the saying growing up, and then again when we had our own children, "It takes a village." This  African proverb means an entire community of people must interact with those children for them to grow in a safe and healthy environment. The community you surround your children with from a young age will impact them for many years. What I was not told however, was the saying can work in trauma as well. "It takes a village" to help push you, encourage you, get you from drowning to having a life ring thrown at you full force that it wraps around you and refuses to let you even consider sinking. This is the village you need. The village that won't let you sink no matter how hard the current is pushing against you and how much you say you are too exhausted to keep treading these waters. Your village does not have to be exclusively family and friends, it can be healthcare workers, counselors, whoever is there to help you in your time. If you do not have anyone,...