Thursday, August 13, 2015

"One of Those Days" a Painting with Bob Ross

As a mom, specially of multiples, I feel we have all been there. I'm not talking about one of those bad days, just one of those days.

I'm going full on Bob Ross here, and paint you a picture of my morning.

Set up that easel and put up your best blank canvas. Now take a fine tip brush, and break that in half. Open at least two full paint bottles, why not make it six, and just throw them at your canvas. Now you have it, a beautiful mommy moment.

Last night started with being projectile thrown up one twice, which sadly my first thought was I was so happy I just took off my good bra, wouldn't want to have to wash that twice in the same week and not have it available to wear tomorrow. Then I cleaned up just enough to spend the next 30 minutes rocking my poor Austin, now 6 months, to sleep. I honestly have no idea how he fell to sleep with the smell of acidic milk all over mommy, but I got him to bed and showered, barely making it out before he woke up again. But hey, that makes it two days in a row of showering! (Queue in applause)

Fast forward to this morning. Austin hasn't kept much down and mommy has been thrown up on a couple time since showering. I'm sitting with Austin on my lap, while I watch Elora, my beautiful spit and vinegar 2.5 year old, on her hands and knees eating popcorn off the floor that had been there since last night. I guess I don't have to make breakfast. Least I managed to clip her hair out of her face beforehand so she can clearly see what she is eating, I wouldn't want her to get a stray piece of cookie from last night in her breakfast. I mean seriously, cookie for breakfast, what do you think I am, a bad mom?

The painting continues, now amongst the the spilled popcorn on the ground is a couple random towels covering the spots of throw up I haven't been able to clean yet. Near the front door is half of my clean laundry folded and the other half in a pile on the floor, also from last night. This could be the reason I hid when I saw my neighbor come to the door, that or the fact I have no makeup covering what looks like Rudolf has traded me for my nose. At this point Elora is wearing nothing but a pumpkin bib that is for a newborn, I am wearing my husband's Corona shirt, and sick Austin is the only one who looks somewhat put together, besides the patch of hard hair on the back of his head that somehow got puked on.

Austin throws up again. Elora yells "spit up!" and tries to copy him by spitting on him, to which I told her was not ok. So now I'm being growled at.

As I think of Austin's nap in the near future, I'm stuck with deciding which I want more, a shower or coffee. Let's face it though, I showered two days in a row, if I showered again I would really be out doing myself and I wouldn't want my husband to think I have completely lost it.

So, which creamer do I choose?

With that I want to wish you Happy Painting my Friends. Thank you for joining me in my morning adventures.

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Austin's Birth Story

11 weeks postpartum. 11 weeks of our new life as a family of four. 11 weeks late for this post.

It is said that once you have children you truly know the meaning of the saying "time flies", oh man whoever said that was pure genius! As I sit here with both babies napping (no I'm not entirely sure how I got this to happen) I have been itching to write again! So here it is...

January 25th.

We woke up early this Sunday morning and laid in bed tickling and laughing with our only child. Taking in every moment and talking about how strange it was that tomorrow morning we would be going to the hospital for our scheduled induction. Our last day as a family of three.

Most of the day we just relaxed at home. Towards the afternoon I started to feel some contractions, not regular but quite more uncomfortable than I have had before. That night was going to be Elora's first over-night at Josh's parents house. So we headed over to have dinner with them. The car ride over I noticed the contractions getting more persistent. So I began timing them. About every 10-15 minutes. By the time we finished with dinner I was really uncomfortable and the contractions were even more frequent. So we said our goodbyes, kissed Elora, only got a little emotional, and headed out. The car ride home showed me just how frequent and bad the contractions were. Josh asked if I should call my Doctor and I said no, we were just going to go into Labor and Delivery, I was not going to wait to call and hear back from my Doctor.

After going home to grab our stuff, we headed to the hospital. 9pm. The lady that signed us in just so happened to be working on my paperwork for the induction. They told us we would be in Room 9. This was pretty great, because I had been to the hospital so much in the last three months that I had been in every room, multiple times, except for this mysterious Room 9. "Holy cow, it's like a suite!" The nurse nurse laughed at my reaction. So we got settled and they checked me. Still only at 1.5cm but the contractions were strong. I had two of my favorite nurses with me that night. They explained if I did not progress on my own they would start the pitocin at 4am.

So now we wait. I was too uncomfortable to just lay down so we began walking the hallway. We both laughed saying it was like a scene from a movie. The pregnant wife waddling down the hallway, in those ugly hospital socks and gown, stopping every couple feet to moan against the wall. Luckily it was the middle of the night, so we had the hall all to ourselves. After that we went back to our room where my nurses, knowing me so well, brought an assortment of snacks. A sandwich, rice crispy treat, and of course my go to drink, sprite and cranberry juice, and a few other goodies piled in.

After awhile the pain was getting much worse, so they checked me again, I was progressing great on my own! No pitocin needed! So they started the IV, and by started I mean poked me a million times until finally getting on to work. The first nurse tried a few times, the next nurse a few more times, then another nurse had my arm all twisted to get the IV in the back of my arm. By this time I was crying, between the contractions and the frustration of being poked with a needle I had enough. Then another nurse came in to tell us that the blood they collect on my first poke coagulated so they couldn't use it and need to draw more. 9 total marks in my arm before I was finally done. Josh had been holding my hand the entire time and was trying to keep cool but he had been extremely upset it took so many times and seeing me in pain was getting to him.

After that ordeal I was able to get an epidural. This time around was a lot harder! With Elora I never felt the contractions because I went for one pain medication to the epidural. This time I, like most women, was having to stay still while this giant needle went into my back during these horrible contractions. I remember just crying saying "here comes another ooonnnneeee". Awe the joys.

Epidural working. Which meant no pain, but a lot of shivering and itching! They wanted me to try and sleep a little (this was around 4am) before I had to start pushing. They checked me again and realized baby was face up and they wanted to get him to turn, so they gave me this giant peanut ball to lay with between my legs. Ya, sleep was not going to happen. I was shaking, and my feet kept itching and I could not scratch with the ball in the way so I needed Josh to scratch my feet every few minutes.

After an hour of that, they came to check on me again. As the nurse checked on me she was just staring, and said there was a little blood and she needed a second opinion. So another nurse came in, a few whispers later, then a doctor comes in. I had no idea what was going on and Josh was being pretty quiet. I didn't find out until later that I was loosing a lot of blood.

Shortly after that, Josh's family arrives with Elora, gives hugs and goes to wait in the waiting area, which happens to be a few seats in the hallway directly outside of my room. Then the room was being set up for delivery and my Doctor comes in, all smiles, and says "It's a great day to have a baby!"

I had a few sets of pushes out of the way when my normally very calm Doctor, looks nervous, tells me I have to give it my all and she needs the vacuum. This made us very nervous because Elora had need the vacuum and that caused her to have a cut on her head and be in the NICU. Our biggest prayer this whole time was that our son would not have to be in the NICU. Josh then whispered in my ear, "Ash, you got to do this, you have to push hard and get him out." Then my Doctor said those fateful words, "Ok, he is coming and I will put him on you just to clean him up and then he will be rushed to the NICU." My heart sank. One last push and he was out. They took him to to the monitors in the same room to check all his vitals. I just stared at him and Josh and wept. I couldn't believe it was happening again.

Within minutes, he perked right up and they nurses said he was doing great and didn't need to leave us. The relief washed over us and I began crying even harder thanking God. I finally got to hold my little man. And it was the best. Josh later told me that I had been loosing even more blood and baby's heart rate dropped to 20 and that was the cause of the scare.

 Austin Allen Bacon 5lbs 15oz 18.5in 7:34am

Shortly after that we got wheeled down to the Mother Baby Unit, baby in my arms. Which is a feeling I wont ever take for granted since last time I was alone. 

So there we were with our baby in our room, and we were so happy to share him with our family! 

This pregnancy was a tough ride, but I would do it all over again for this little person I call 'son'.

We are blessed beyond belief, and we are loved beyond words.

Thursday, January 22, 2015


I have kept a lot to myself the past few months, but after posting a vague prayer request a month ago, I realized it is not so much about feeling vulnerable with more people knowing the situation, but feeling surrounded by love and not being alone during a hard time. My family is blessed in more ways than we could imagine. We have had people we don't even know praying for us and we feel uplifted and showered in care. I have had a lot of people ask what has been going on and I find it overwhelming to even start sometimes. But as the end is near, with only 3 days left, I will try and fill everyone in.

Our second pregnancy began completely different than our first. It was a shock, I had no idea I could be pregnant, and if it wasn't for the growing belly I wouldn't have known for awhile. It was just, easy. That is how I knew it was a boy. The first six months came and went with hardly any sickness, food cravings, or much to prove I was actually pregnant. 

October. Short and sweet. It started with what they thought was kidney stones, which kept me in the hospital for a couple nights. This was my first night away from Elora. Josh was amazing, taking care of Elora, but not wanting to leave me alone at the hospital, so he packed up Elora multiple times a day to visit me. 

After ruling out kidney stones, they sent me on my way and was told to come back if it got any worse. After a few days out of the hospital, I went back. I knew the pain, because it was the same thing I had with Elora. Hydronephrosis, water in the kidney that makes the kidney swell. There are two ways to get the kidney back down to size. Deliver baby, which I was far enough along with Elora that they induced delivery right at 37 weeks, it was a painful delivery with the swollen kidney but after she was out, everything felt much better. The second option is to get a nephrostomy tube put into your side that helps drain the kidney and prolong pregnancy. At 24 weeks there was no way I could deliver baby, but from what I heard getting the tube had it's own problems. From what my Drs had told me the tube would help the swelling in my kidney, but would cause it's own pain and discomfort, I would most likely be on bed rest for the rest of pregnancy, and possibly be on bed rest at the hospital for the last part of pregnancy. I talked to the urologist and asked if I could possibly go without the tube, but without the tube my body could go into kidney failure and of course this is a much more serious problem for both baby and I. So my decision was made. 

A couple weeks later I went back to the hospital to get the tube placed. I'm not entirely sure what I expected but I was scared and nervous. Josh couldn't go back to the surgery room with me, and that was when the lump in my throat started. As soon as they opened the doors to the room, the tears filled my eyes. It was an actual surgical room, everything in it was intimidating and quite honestly scary. I did not feel brave what so ever. The procedure went fine but the recovery was hard. When I first got out it hurt to breath, I passed out, and it was a hard transition once I was home. 

 So this would be my best friend, always by my side, for the next few months. This was when I was at my lowest point. Even if I felt like I could, I wasn't supposed to do anything. I couldn't pick up my daughter when she got hurt and was crying, I couldn't make dinner for my husband, I just felt useless. My life has always revolved around my family and their needs before my own and I wasn't supposed to do my job anymore. Not to mention being completely stir crazy. I got to get out of the house once or twice a week for doctor appointments and that was a highlight for me. I have also never been so insecure, not something I admit easily. Pregnancy is supposed to be beautiful, but I felt like I was constantly trying to find something to wear that hid this horrible tube and bag on my side. When I did get out of the house, I felt like people were staring. I was embarrassed. Even with Josh, I felt like I was hiding, and when I couldn't hide because I needed him to help replace bandages, I would cry because I no longer felt attractive. 

Constant praying on my part and prayers from family and friends helped me. I began to see that with all these trials came many blessings. Josh and I have become closer than ever, with a new appreciation for each other. We both took a new understanding on how much we do for each other and our family. He took on the role of Mr Mom, going to work, then coming home to take care of Elora and I, make dinner, do the bed time routine, and clean house before he sat down from the day. Words will never describe the appreciation and love that I have for this man. He has been my rock and made this experience manageable. The blessings we have experienced as a family has only continued. 

December. Having a tube and being on bed rest means more ultrasounds! Something to look forward to every other week. We found out we would be induced at 37 weeks because of the tube. So the date was set. January 26th at 6am. After setting the date we went back to the hospital to get a series of steroid shots to help baby's lungs develop in case of preterm labor, which with all the circumstances we were told it wouldn't be surprising if I went anytime after 34 weeks.  At this point we found out that instead of having the tube removed right before delivery, that I would have to deliver with it in and not have it removed until a week after baby.

A  week before Christmas the tube stopped working so I had to go back to the hospital to get it replaced. This was by far the worst experience of my life. What should have been a simple easy procedure, turned horrible. They gave me some pain meds but said I shouldn't need to be sedated because it should be quick and easy. They soon found out that it had stopped working because there was calcium build up around the inside, almost like rocks, that made getting it out very difficult. Once they realized it would be more difficult, my blood pressure was only about 75 which was too low for them to sedate me and have it safe for baby or I. So I got to be awake and feel every push and pull they made. Once I got back to the short stay room I began experiencing pain with every breath, it got so bad I started hyperventilating which made everything worse. It took an hour for the pain meds. An hour of feeling like I was going to die and screaming for it to stop. The nurses and doctors were very sympathetic and felt bad that the procedure and been so rough. They didn't want it to get that bad again so I was scheduled for another replacement four weeks later, even though baby would be here in 5 weeks. 

January. The first week I had gone to the hospital for preterm labor with contractions every 3 minutes. Luckily the contractions did not make me progress any so I was released the next day with something to help the contraction. Every day this little man has stayed in has been a blessing. Because I have been to the hospital so many times in the last couple months, I know most of the nurses and they all have been so kind, cheering me on, and even visiting me when I am not one of their patients that day. 
When you ask for a snack after arriving to the hospital late at night, and your nurses love you.

I was scheduled for another tube replacement in the middle of January, but it had stopped working again so I went in to have it done a few days before my actually appointment. I was more nervous going into this one because the last had been so bad, and being further along we were nervous this would send me into an emergency delivery. So I talked to the nurses and doctors before to get all my worries on the table. Again, they were all too kind, having been there with me the last time and wanted to make sure it wouldn't be anything like that and they did just that. The procedure, while it did hurt, was better than the first two and the recovery seemed quick and easy. And no baby yet! More days for him to grow! 

So now here we are, three days away from our induction date. A date we thought we would never make it to. Baby boy has been healthy and growing strong the entire time. I can not thank everyone enough for the constant support and prayers we have received over the last few months. My spirits are high, and I feel strong. Of course I am anxious with this birth coming up. I don't know how it will go with the tube still in, and he is coming the same time Elora did, so there is always the chance of another NICU stay. Then to have a week old and go back to the hospital to get the tube removed, but he is worth every minute of it! 

Some questions I have received...

Is there anything we can do to help?
Pray. For the upcoming days. For the doctors. For the health of our baby boy. For my family as we transition from a family of three to a family of four. 

Will you have any more children?
This is one I get a lot, and it is a hard one for me. I have always wanted many children, as most people know. From our understanding the reason it was so bad this time around was because I got pregnant within 2 years of my first pregnancy and my body didn't heal fully. If we decide to only have two that is fine, I just don't want that decision made for me, but if it is made for me than God has different plans for us and I will be happy to have my daughter and son. If we decide to have more, it won't be for a few years and I will see a specialist to make sure this wont happen again. So everything is really up in the air as of this point, right now our focus is to just get this little man here as safe as possible and not think too much into the future right now. 

A reminder I see daily, that comforts me and gives me peace.